quite unexpected right?? i din know i fall into this category: extrovert. i tot i'm more of an introvert kind of person. you see, even my zodiak reads me as a "shy, quiet, but can talk well" something like that.

these past few weeks i've been pretty sad and depressed. and i know perfectly well of the reason. which i'm not going to shout out loud. hehe here's a virgo girl for you. last week i read an entry blog titled: "What It’s Like To Date Yourself". and the writer spoke his mind based on his zodiak reading. and the writer is a scorpio. hehe that brings back memories. and he's absolutely right when he said: you'll never forget your scorpion man. but anyway, that's not my real point. i'm not going to talk abt my yesterday, but instead of the present me and the tomorrow me. well, since this is my blog, of course i'm going to talk abt ME. hehe i'm allowed to whine all i want.

after reading the writer's say, i search for a virgo's say. and i found this: Virgo Woman. it's not word by word describing me. but pretty much explaining me. tho many of the fine qualities i dun actually possess.

and today, i read something abt being your own best friend. truth is, last weekend i talked to my best friend on the phone for 3 hours. 3 hours okay... huhu but i dun mind the bill. it's not like i have so many people i have to call every day. apart from my mom, i seldom talk on the phone. i mean real conversation. not that a few minutes call per person, that doesn't count. well, my best friend had mention abt "being your own best friend. there is no one on earth that could be a better friend to you than yourself." and i have to agree with that. all this while, i never really been fair to myself. i never been really good to myself. in fact, i always do/say mean things to myself. i dun even love myself that much. i even love to belittle myself. i'm harsh to myself. and again, i'm not going to spell it out here.

well, when i'm in the right mood (huu you know how virgo possess this great mood swings?? maybe not all virgo, but i do..) i can be really nice and sweet. i can even confidently say that i'm quite a lovable person, that i have a few fine qualities. but when i'm not.. i feel like my head is filled with nothing but hatred. i feel like everybody hates me. that i'm the most annoying person on earth. and i would curl myself at the corner of my dark tiny heart, closing all doors. shutting down everything. i even strongly believe i am not capable to love. but deep down inside, i really want to love, and be loved. [edited] ehe bak kata Dumbledore: "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love." Dan 1 lagi quote dari Dumbledore: "Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love." Love can create a powerful charm - even Voldemort failed to penetrate.[/edited]

that is why, i need to befriend myself. be my own best friend. dont be afraid to love. with myself, i can freely love, without the fear of getting rejected, hurt, being thrown out in the dump, being unneeded.

but i'm still not sure how to accomplish that. physically, i think i had done quite well.. i took vacation, go to various places, have so much fun all the way, buy things for myself, buy things for people i love. i especially love my car, i love my mike, my still-not-here-patrick. but emotionally and mentally.. i still figuring out how to love and pamper myself, how to truly love my life. when i can love myself, i believe i will be one thousand times happier. consistently happy. when i'm happy, i can make people around me happy. i want to make my every day a happy day all year round.